closet doors.

 “tell me your confessions, child” –

          once upon a time, god reached out for me
      but your god isn’t mine, Father
                    and you will call me a betrayer
             but my god fills my heart and my body

          tender kisses turn to trembling touches
                       where we began, the cemetery where you prayed
                 and she pressed me against the willow tree
           told me in whispers what the world meant to her
                        and then told me what I was about to see;

    golden hills and brightly lit stars
                 I had never seen my life flash before my eyes
            but she played the scenes in slow motion
                     like a master pianist
                     and I was happy to call her master –

     home was a rancher, dust and pastel
         sunflowers and stunted bushes, screen door banging in the wind
                    her windows flung open to let the sweet summer drift in
      where she had me beg for her mercy
               but I wanted her wrath;

          closet door shanked my shoulders but it couldn’t hold me hostage
                 I wrapped my legs around her waist
   she was a god, holding up my world
                  but what happened when atlas let go of the real thing?
                 she would catch it, of course

 spider hands chilled me, then thrilled me
          she said I would have a bad reputation
          but I had never wanted to be smote so badly
  tell me more about why I can’t go to church anymore
               young god, hold my life above your head
  let me kiss up your thighs, stumble into your heaven

                don’t let me stay human, don’t let me drown in the world
       I can’t believe it, Father, for I did sin
                  and you let me go, I left the box
        mother mary with a glint in her eye
                she knew what I was about, virgin was just another name for careful

     she left you on my lap to remind me where I came from
         the apple of their eye, snake in their ribs
              shake the tears from my breast, lick them clean
 open my soul and wear me like a light
            walk with me, humanity beneath my feet

      write to the devil, tell him we’ll be by
              and he’ll prepare a banquets for the ghosts we chase there
   but the only time I feel alive is in the moments you have lost
             your vision to me
              your aspirations were to let the seven seas crash into me
build an ark and sail us away

            two steps ahead, we became a legend and suddenly the tables turned
      the bottom of the barrel was your kiss
            tender and poisonous
     perhaps the Father was right, but not about me
           bruised egos live in that chapel, don’t tame me with your words
  kept down from the best things in life because you were too scared
           to take what belonged to you, worried you would fall when you tried to fly

   and I take it all back to the days in the cemetery
        pressed against the willow tree.

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